July 13, 2012

Doggie Style




I recently picked up on a disturbing new trend (for lack of a better word). I discovered a new dog fetish that far exceeds dressing them up in ridiculous clothing. People have started dying their dog's fur. What's wrong, isn't your dog cute enough already? Some have even dyed their dogs pink intending to raise awareness for breast cancer. I'm happy that those people have compassion for people with breast cancer, but what about showing some compassion for your poor pup? Do you really think your dog enjoyed that whole experience? Do you think breathing in all of those various chemicals was good for your beloved pooch? What's next, doggie bikini waxing to get rid of those superfluous hairs just in time for bikini season? How about some doggie plastic surgery, doggie botox or doggie spray tans? My guess is that the same people who dye their dog's fur have probably dyed their own hair so many times they've killed enough brain cells to honestly believe this is a good idea. It's not, and they're delusional. I bet if your dog could talk it would tell you to take it easy on the perfume, and that you're an idiot. If you really feel like you need your dog to be all sorts of colors I recommend taking LSD and then taking your dog on a well-supervised walk. I guarantee this will work and you'll only be harming yourself in the process. 

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