May 30, 2014

one year

My baby will be one year old in just a few days. There are some things I would like her to know about our first year together. The year flew by unlike any other in the past. It was also one of the hardest years I've been through in ways that I never could have imagined. There have been times I've felt so exhausted, cooped up, flabby, weak, irritable and just not myself. Mostly I've just felt so much love, happiness and wonder. I'm truly excited to get up every morning, no matter what time it is, just to get to see your little face and hold you close to me.

It's difficult to find the right words and sentences to articulate just what it feels like to be a mother and love someone so fiercely. I would take a bullet, wrestle a bear, jump out of a plane, run into a forest fire and do anything, really, to keep you safe with me. I never imagined just how truly beautiful you would be. Your personality is really starting to develop and show through more and more each and every day. You're not just a little beauty you're also very clever, silly, affectionate, fun-loving, sweet, social and relaxed. You're the healthiest baby I've known. You haven't been sick once, not even a runny nose or cough, nothing. You sleep well, enjoy eating healthy foods and love to laugh. I think that's a big part of what makes you such a strong and healthy baby.

The sound of your laugh, baby talk and sweet little whispers are the best sounds that I've ever heard. The thought that you will sometimes continuously fake laugh just to get us to laugh with you kills me. I adore watching you try to snap those tiny fingers and wave at people, dogs and your stuffed animals. I'm so thankful for you. We wanted you so much. For a while we weren't sure we would ever get to have a baby. I think that's made us appreciate the time we have with you even more. The three days of labor and five hours of pushing were beyond worth it. You're my favorite person.

You have taught me so much this year. I've learned that I am capable of so much more than I ever knew. I really don't need much at all to make me perfectly content. I would do just fine living in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere as long as you and Ryan were there. Ryan and I work very well together under pressure, (for the most part). Happy almost birthday. I don't know what exactly brought you to us, but thanks for coming into our lives. Here's to many more wonderful years together full of love and learning. I love you so much baby!

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