August 3, 2014

marriage

My husband and I are celebrating our three year wedding anniversary in a few days. We have some old friends coming over to babysit so that just the two of us can go out for dinner and drinks. Going out on dates has become few and far between for us. My husband works odd and irregular hours, and I'm finishing up school and working my internship. This is all while we juggle raising our daughter together without any outside help. 

We're both a little guilty of letting our relationship go under the circumstances. We're lucky to spend an hour together here and there going on a family walk or watching a movie on the couch after Ruby falls asleep for the night. The last time that happened I passed out well before the movie was over and before the sun even went down. To be honest there are days that we don't even get along.

I know I'm not the easiest person to be around day in and day out. I can become pessimistic, moody and judgmental. Sometimes I don't know when to just be quiet. I can fixate on and over analyze the bad things instead of just letting them go. I like having a certain amount of alone time so much so I feel like I may actually need it in order to function properly. We've all got our weaknesses, and I understand that I am a work in progress and always will be.

Now that I'm married and a mother I have come to understand that the difficulties of trying make it all work are pretty much the norm. I still struggle with accepting this. Some people make it look so easy, and a lot of people just don't talk about the hard times. What can we do to make things better on a daily basis and avoid petty arguments? I'm no expert at keeping a relationship going strong. Growing up I had no example of a strong healthy relationship that lasts through the good and bad. In the past I'd just bail when things started getting too challenging or became boring, but this is the man I chose to marry. This is my husband and the father of my child. 

All I know for sure is that we both love each other and want to do what it takes in order to spend our lives together. Even when we are brutally arguing we still, somehow, always manage to remind each other of that. I tend to believe that if you want something bad enough, and if it's under your control, then it will happen. We've got three years of marriage, six years of love and eleven years of history behind us. Here's to being strong enough build a lifetime together with all of the ups and downs and surprises that go along with it. 

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